A lot of us, growing up, weren't popular or well liked because we were generally the ones who didn't say much and didn't follow the crowd, however, we secretly longed to be popular and well liked. High school is always the worst because those are very critical years. Anyone who survives high school deserves a fucking medal.
Here's the thing, we, the outcasts, spend our young years trying to fit in and be who we are and to be loved by others right? Well it confuses me that when we finally get to where we are accepted, we form the same exact "popular" group as was in high school and you basically become who you hated. It baffles me. Is that what we really want is to be the king and queen bee? Are we trying to relive our juvenile social status in our adult lives? Granted, you don't have to be friends with everybody but when someone kindly compliments you are says hi to you, you treat them like you were treated in high school by blowing them off or thinking you're better than them. New York is full of it and so is Los Angeles I have noticed.
It's really quite sad. You leave you're narrow minded surroundings to another more accepting city only to become what you hated in high school. No one realizes that they're doing that because social status is everything in both of these cities and it comes natural to people to "perform." I was one of those kids in high school, the social outcast. Everyone thought I was weird because I hardly ever talked. That's because when I did talk people would laugh because my voice is different. It's not like everyone else's. To this day I still have problems talking but fight through it. It happened EVERY single time I talked in school. When I opened my mouth, someone laughed. So I was trained not to talk. The thing is, I'm still that kid. I don't have the luxury of being of social status. I guess I lucked out again in my adult life. I say hi to people on Facebook or in person and I always get the shaft. I don't get it. I know you don't know me, but it's common courtesy to say hi back. I do it all the time. Maybe I'm the only one who still says hi to strangers out of kindness. People have this attitude in New York that if they don't know you, they won't talk to you. It's so high school.
Are they forgiven? Yes. Only now they are what they've always wanted to be. The jocks and the cheerleaders in high school. I guess I just wasn't meant to fit in anywhere. I'm my own social life. I don't understand what it is about me that turns people off. I'm a nice guy if you get to know me. Maybe that's the problem. People like to be around mean people I guess. Maybe there's still that kid inside me that wants to fit in but once again, isn't. It's amazing how the tables turn. Those who didn't have power, now have it, only I missed the memo and am reliving high school all over again in my adult life. I love the arts and I love the people who are associated with the arts because they're amazing people. Maybe I'm just not "deep" enough for them or something or I just don't "get it". What is there to get? I'm not down about it because I love being me and I have amazing friends. I just wish I could have more of a variety of friends and not feel like I have to impress you for you to talk to me.
Is that what you really wanted? To be loved and desired like your peers in school? If I'm not wearing designer duds does that make me an outcast? At this point, I'm going to do me and New York gives me the opportunity to do that regardless of the glitterati. Social status is a state of mind and most people feed off of it like the last loaf of bread. Name dropping and partying every chance they get. Not me. I don't have to say someone else's name to feel relevant. Just want people to realize that they are better than that. You may not think you're doing it but you are. Subconsciously you are. There's a part of you deep down inside. The little boy or girl in the back of the classroom that is loving that they are finally "popular". Whatever that means nowadays.
Live thirsty my friends...
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