The Bearable Lightness Of Being

Dear World And Everyone In It,

Recently I've gotten to a state of pure bliss within the possibilities of life. As confusing as that may sound it's exactly how I've been feeling. There's so much hunger and so much drive in me to experience all that life has to offer. After seeing the movie "Eat Pray Love" I've become more in tune with it. I was touched. Touched in a way that I had never been touched before. This happy existence of life feels like I'm a virgin being touched for the very first time. There's so many things in this life that we could easily get caught up in. Fuck that. There's always be one thing that I have been consistent with every since I was born. I was always me. I was never anyone else and I don't try to be nor want to be. Despite all the hell I went through growing up amongst my grade school peers I always stayed true to myself because deep down inside that shy exterior there was the man you see here today. The one who doesn't give a fuck and who does what he wants and goes after what he wants.

These little trivial things that we concern our lives with on a day to day basis is sucking the life out of us. We get stuck. We get bitter and we start forming our own ridiculous theories because we are in our own head and we become claustrophobic to the world outside. This new sense of being, this new sense of choosing to be happy makes the being..well...bearable. In the past I've let people define me. I've let people tell me who I was and who I wasn't. Truth be told, I'm glad that I had the past that I had. At this point, I honestly don't care who thinks badly of me or whatever because it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It never did. Life has a way of making us feel like we have to defend ourselves or we have to be a certain way. It has a way of trapping you. You can't let life control you, you have to take control of your own life and grab life by the fucking balls and say "HEY!"..."HEY!"

Always go after what YOU want...never let society or anyone make you feel foolish or crazy for dreaming. I did for a long time and now I'm taking it back. I know that sometimes the situations that we're in makes it hard to do what we really want to do but I say do the best you can and be the best you can. Always stay on your path even if you have to take a job to support you until you get your dream. Never lose hold of it for a day. Do something towards your dream every day no matter how small and it will add up one day and you WILL have it.

It's about knowing what you have to contribute and knowing what you have to offer and knowing that you have what it takes. I know all of those things about myself and there's nothing arrogant about it. It's about knowing what you can do and showing people what you can do.

It's also about having nothing but love for people regardless...

Life can be great if you let it

luv you all

C

Transition

This summer I had the privilege of learning a very HARD lesson.

I say that it was a privilege because, despite everything bad that occurred, it was the single most eye opening experience of my life to date. It took me a long time to see that it was a privilege though and most of that has to do with the fact that my life is in a state of transition. When you're going through a transition in your life and you're in uncharted waters and you don't know what the hell is coming next, you're basically in a grey area and you're at your most unstable. Therefore, you're bound to be, GASP, unsure of your life and confused and perhaps emotional because you don't know what your life is at that moment so you're vulnerable to any sort of person, place, or perhaps thing that comes into your life.

I think everyone goes through a transition in their late twenties and I'm certainly no exception. You're going into another decade so it's only natural for you to be in that area of "what happens next". There are different periods in your life where these transitions will occur and most of them are on the eve of another decade of your life. However, it is virtually impossible for anyone who is yet to hit where you are or who has already past you to fully understand YOUR journey. They will try and they WILL fail as I have learned very brutally this summer. I have had a lot of experience with people who are older than me because I used to think that I had more in common with them because I have an old soul. I think that people who are older are fascinating because they've already been through a few transitions in their lives so they already know how THEY want to live their lives and how they view the world because they have more experience behind them. The advantage to that is, there are certain things in life that they can give you advice on because there are those things that happen in our lives that are universal and advice from anyone can help you. The disadvantage is, they feel because they are older, that us young people are stupid and don't know anything about life and they know everything and they're always right and we are always wrong because we're inexperienced. It's a huge pet peeve of mine because I really feel that no matter how old you are, you are always learning and there are still things that a 50 year old doesn't know that a 20 or 30 year old would know. I've even been called stupid, among other things, that I didn't deserve. I've been verbally abused very harshly by older people more than I'd like to admit and it has taught me a hard lesson that I'm very thankful for. Words are very powerful and if you heard some of the things that were said to me, because of a slight misunderstanding, you would really wonder how I got through it. It's really quite funny when two unstable people are at each others throats. That's never a good thing. When there are two people who are going through a transition at the same time, not one is going to understand what the other is going through and you shouldn't expect it. I've been accused of SO many things this summer that, even despite my oath of emancipating myself from drama, made me cry because I felt like the most horrible person on the planet. I felt like I had to explain myself to people...BIG MISTAKE. I was sucked into the drama because I felt like I had to defend the accusations that were being thrown at me...BIG MISTAKE. You can't reason with people who already have their minds made up about who you are. It's a bloody dead end and you'll be stuck there...FOREVER. You know what's funny is when they don't even know you well enough to make a character assault on you.

I've been accused of being selfish, of wanting what I want and not caring about anyone else, "acting" emotional, being dramatic, being vindictive, posting subliminal hurtful Facebook status updates (seriously?) etc. I've been called stupid, lazy, and a liar and the list does not end there. That's the PG version. Mind you, I only made matters worse when I was trying to defend myself against these accusations and that's how the drama seeped back into my life. I was SO mad at myself after it was all said and done. This is where the transition comes in. I've spent most of my life doing for others and not doing for myself. I gave and gave and gave and that's why I haven't gotten anywhere in my life because I was spending too much time doing what others wanted me to do and I was more than happy to oblige because I truly love giving. When I moved to New York, I thought to myself, I finally get to do something for myself. So when I got called selfish this summer by a few people it really hurt my heart because I don't have a selfish bone in my body. It seriously made me question who I was because I figured if three people tell me that then it must be true. If there was any trace of selfishness, it was coming from me wanting to finally do for myself after ALL these years. I moved to New York for me, not anyone else and I thought to myself recently that I know who I am and I don't need these people telling me who I am because they don't know me. They think they do but they don't. Now, riddle me this, if someone calls you asking if a Facebook status is about them, when clearly it isn't, aren't you making that about you? Isn't that selfish? I'm not gonna lie, there have been times when I was VERY upset with someone and I tweeted about it but I never named names and it was never direct. I own up to that. It's Facebook people...it doesn't mean anything and it really bothers me that people take status updates SO seriously. I made a HUGE mistake in letting those hurtful words in and define me. It was oppression at it's finest because I was being talked down to like a piece of trash. Being judged with words is not fun and I don't wish that on anybody. It's a very hurtful thing to do to someone because you never know if that person is stable enough to handle it. Then when someone kills themselves they want to be sorry after you basically pushed them off a cliff with your evil and hurtful words. I just don't understand how anyone can say all of those things about me. I'm not that guy. I was raised to treat people with respect. I'm not in the business of oppression.

The thing is, we all think differently and we have different ways of doing things. When you're in transition, you tend to be a little selfish because you really want your life in order. It has nothing to do with anyone, but people have the tendency to make it about them when you mean no harm nor ill will. I made it a point this summer to balance the two. I told myself that I would try to cater to others while catering to myself but it blew up in my face I think. I can't win for losing it seems. That's the thing, when you're unstable there's no possible way you can accommodate anyone else in your life and you have to focus on YOU and you only. I had people this summer make me feel bad about wanting that. In transition you're going to hurt people without meaning to. It amazes me how you can meet someone who is the kindest person you've ever met and in the blink of an eye can turn into a mean selfish person and then treat you like complete shit, like you're not even a person. Those people would probably read this and think I'm playing the victim right now. Let them think that, after all, I'm such a bad person. I learned a lesson and I'm not going to let them have the last word on who I am. This isn't a slander piece. I'm not naming names. That's sloppy to me. This is what I've learned and I've learned that I can't keep worrying about what people think of me. I've done nothing but try to be civil and try to ease things but it's like these people want a fight and they keep pushing my buttons and then I give them just want they want by acting a damn fool and stooping to their level. One of the most common things is the "remember what you said" game. I have the memory of an elephant. Anyone will tell you. People in my family often use me as a point of reference for a lot of things. Especially with movies, names of actors, directors, etc. I retain information in my brain and it stays there. I was a spelling bee champ. I'm a great test taker. That's why I was such a great personal assistant. So, when older people who think I'm stupid say to me that they didn't say something when I know for a fact that they did it's frustrating. I always remember what people say to me. ALWAYS. So I get into it with them about that. NO MORE. As long as I keep suppressing myself on the basis of other people, then I will never move forward in my life. It used to bother me senseless that there were ever people out in the world who were walking around hating me and telling people about this guy who "did them wrong" when clearly it was the other way around. I'm not in the business of screwing people over...it's a waste of time. I have a life to live and since my mind wasn't fully in the game this summer...I struck out because I was distracted with dramatic bullshit.

I can't please everyone and Lord knows this summer I kept trying to do that because I was basically defending my character all summer to people and it has drained me so much that I don't have it in me to fight anymore. I just want to move on with my life. I don't care about all of that trivial bullshit. I don't like being accused. I HATE it. The idea of someone saying things about me that are not true send me off the deep end. I get angry and I wanna defend myself and prove to them that it's not me. I really have to have self control about it now because I always have this need to defend myself when it's not even worth it. I learned that the other night when I was defending myself to my mom about the smallest thing. My mom told me that it was fine and that it wasn't a big deal and then that's when I had an "a ha" moment so to speak. I caught myself being a defense attorney. I have to stop doing that because it only makes the hole bigger. I can't prove anything to anyone, it's useless. I'm not perfect and I'm certainly not trying to be. I'm gonna own up to the fact that I don't have my shit together. Yeah, some consider this late in the game when most people my age or younger are already in their careers and doing well for themselves and I'm still figuring it out. I can't be ashamed about that anymore. I can't compare myself to other people anymore. I'm Correy and I'm going through a change in my life right now.

Being in transition means that you have to really focus on yourself because if you let someone come in and distract you, you'll fuck it up and you'll spend the next decade in the same place you were because you never moved on. You're gonna be accused of things and you're gonna be considered a fuck up because you don't have your life together "like everybody else". Some of us have to learn lessons like this in order for us to become better people and I'm glad that it's happening now while I'm unstable and vulnerable. You can't explain who you are when you're going through a life change. If you try you'll just look like a fool and I looked like a huge fucking fool this summer. I indulged in drama and it's my own fault. All I can do now is have self control and watch who I let into my life from now on.

So I urge all of you to do the same, if you haven't already. I still have mad respect and love for those people who are no longer in my life and this isn't one of those "I wish them the best" phony speeches. I really do hope they will prosper in their lives because no matter what happened between us, at one point we were great friends and we had good times and for that I'm thankful for. For so long I have indulged in this "I have to defend myself" shit and FINALLY I learned a lesson that made me sit the fuck down and shut my mouth. Say what you want...I know who I am and I am who I am...

luv u

C

Confinement

DEAR WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT,

The mere idea of confinement to me is a very scary thought. One, you have the conventional confinement from society of not being able to express yourself the way you want and live the way you want and yet, ultimately, it is you who lives your own life. The other kind of confinement is self confinement, which, in itself is a way of slowly killing yourself mentally and maybe even physically.

Let's talk about the conventional confinement for a moment. Every day we as humans feel confined one way or another. Whether it be our lives in general or by our jobs, relationships, society, religion, etc. Most of this occurs because we allow it to occur. Most people are non confrontational and at the risk of losing something substantial in their lives, they endure whatever they have to. That's usually because most people are comfortable with where they're at in their lives and the idea of change is not desirable. So, most of us are confined by society's standards and I can't tell you how many people admit in private their real dreams and goals. I used to be confused as to why I was always told that I was brave for going after what I want. Know why? I always assumed that that's what everyone did. It's something that comes completely natural to me so I just assumed that everyone did the same. People always thought I was crazy for moving out of state to Los Angeles and New York respectfully. It blew their minds that I would even leave the state of Texas and move to a completely different state. That's because most people can't even imagine doing that. They don't understand it, so they ridicule it as being irresponsible or being unprepared because, apparently, you're supposed to plan your life out like a fucking road trip. That also has a lot to do with being fiscally unstable. When you're financially stable, because you took a job off your beaten path, you get used to the idea of how that makes you feel and how it acclimates to your life so naturally you're not going to give that up for your dream that now seems foolish. You're not going to want to change anything when you've had the same routine for years. When you never had anything substantial to begin with, because you chose to stick to the path no matter what, it's a lot easier for you to accept change because your life constantly changes when you're not stable. You get used to it and so change is not a big deal to you. So now I know why people tell me that and respect me and ridicule me for that because they traded in their dreams for stability and I never did that. I've always went after my dreams and will continue to do so. Most of us humans are happy being society's pawn. Most of us don't want to ask questions or know the truth about anything because what we don't know won't bloody hurt us. That's is both understandable and ignorant, strike me dead for saying the latter.

There are so many lies, so many secrets that we have to deal with on a daily basis. Why is that, world? Why is so hard to be honest with, not only ourselves but, with everyone? Does the truth still exist? Will the truth be that which will always be suppressed until all we know is lies and deceit and we don't know who the hell we really are or where we really live? Am I the only one who is terrified of that? Self confinement could very well be the result of being the exception to the rule. There are so many ways to be self confined and depression is a big part of that. We live in a society of constant competition and you're either playing the game or you're not. Most of us play and those who don't play are in the minority and are considered different. It's very hard to admit that you have bouts of depression to anyone without feeling like they're never going to talk to you again. No one generally wants to be around someone who is depressed all the time. The thing is, for me personally, when I talk about my depression it helps me understand my psyche better. All my life I've been considered weird, different, awkward, not of the pack, etc. I've always felt that I could never fully connect with anyone else because I wasn't like everyone else. I really try to connect, but I find myself acting to fit in and it exhausts me. Not that I don't want to connect with anyone, I just question why I have to put on a dog and pony show for someone to feel like they can be around me. Am I the only one, world? I lied to myself about who I was for years and that was a big part of my problem.

So I resort to self confinement sporadically throughout the year. Mostly because of depression. It's a slippery slope because you start thinking about ALL the things that are wrong with you and you beat yourself up for a day or sometimes even longer. You hate yourself and you listen to melancholy music and try to understand why you aren't like most people. It's incredibly paralyzing. It's a self hating festival of epic proportions and it can cause you to disconnect from the human experience. It's paramount all over our globe and acts as a mental thief in the night. Once you're in that mindset, you're in it. It's a state of mind but the problem is you can't get out of it alone which is why you have people who ultimately kill themselves because they can't take the oppression, the hurt, the insignificance, the indifference, the ridicule, the embarrassment, etc. You confine yourself because you don't think you have what it takes to make it or to do anything. What makes you so special, you ask. You can confine yourself for a multitude of reasons and its a very sad thing that occurs. Why? You actually believe all the limiting things you say about yourself. You're emotionally cutting yourself with words. Words that the "other you" is saying to you.

You mostly feel alone and misunderstood and you're constantly clashing with people because you're in an emotional state of flux and sometimes you do things that hurt someone else's feelings. Not on purpose, it's just something you can't control and so you have people walking around hating you because you "did them wrong" which in turn induces more self hating because now you feel like a horrible person. Anything can set it off. Most of my life has been one big misunderstanding. People don't get me and it has caused me to be insecure for most of my life. However, do any one of use really get the other? I recently met someone who has moments of self confinement like me and we had a lot of the same reasons of why we get depressed. Mind you, I've talked to other people with depression and most of their problems are surface material. Nothing deep and layered. I was taken aback and was glad that there was someone else who had those similar feelings. Yet at the same time I questioned if I was latching on to someone else with the same issues because I was lonely and scared of the new transition I'm going through right now. Certainly that's not the case but sitting in your apartment all day cuts you off from the outside world and your mind creates these theories of how things work and most of the time it's complete paranoia. Who needs these thoughts?

Most of us are suppressed because of our situation in life. We can't do what we really want to do because we're lacking something that would enable us to do so. It's a really tough situation especially when it feels like there's no hope. It would seem to most of us that life is a continuous battle for happiness. Then you see how the other half lives and how 90 percent of their lives is happy and you wonder, how is it that they are happy and I'm not? Money is a big factor of happiness and people who have it generally aren't confined by a money driven world. They can do whatever they want and not be suppressed so of course they're going to be more happy than most. They are mostly suppressed in other ways, whether it's social status, tradition, etc. Those of us who don't have a pot to piss in are financially suppressed so our dreams and goals can't be realized until we achieve some sort of stability. However, the problem with us dreamers and progressive thinkers is that we don't want to be trapped in a cubicle or anything corporate to get that stability. We want to be able to be free. We want to be able to make money while going after what we want and most corporate jobs don't allow flexibility. They want us to be a cog in their machine and care about their goal for some sort of domination over another company or companies. Like I said...competition. Money isn't everything, however, but it is everything to those who don't have it or who never had it. There is so many of us who play the lottery in hopes that that one ticket could be our golden ticket to the chocolate factory, so to speak. I don't even have to say that money is evil. For the most part it is because that's one of the things that people WILL die for.

So I ask you, world, when will we break free from confinement of any kind. When will we stop accepting what society wants for us and do what we really want to do? When will we stop torturing ourselves over our self worth in this life? Is money the end all, be all of life? If we don't have it, are we not worth anything? Our minds can be our worst enemy or our best friends...it's up to us to defeat the foes of our minds and allow ourselves to be confident and free from self confinement. It's just too bad that saying it and doing it are two different things.

So, world, when do we stop fighting our lives and start living them?

Sincerely From A Pure Place,

Correy Amon

The Forgiveness Of NYC

They say that a lot of people move to New York to be forgiven. I never understood what that meant for the longest time and I guess I was over thinking the statement because it's really quite simple. People, or I should say most people who are considered outcasts wherever they're from, migrate to either New York or Los Angeles to be forgiven for who they are as those are the two most liberal states in the United States. Most of us come from small towns or bad families so it's only natural for us to want to be somewhere where we are free, for the most part, to live our lives.

A lot of us, growing up, weren't popular or well liked because we were generally the ones who didn't say much and didn't follow the crowd, however, we secretly longed to be popular and well liked. High school is always the worst because those are very critical years. Anyone who survives high school deserves a fucking medal.

Here's the thing, we, the outcasts, spend our young years trying to fit in and be who we are and to be loved by others right? Well it confuses me that when we finally get to where we are accepted, we form the same exact "popular" group as was in high school and you basically become who you hated. It baffles me. Is that what we really want is to be the king and queen bee? Are we trying to relive our juvenile social status in our adult lives? Granted, you don't have to be friends with everybody but when someone kindly compliments you are says hi to you, you treat them like you were treated in high school by blowing them off or thinking you're better than them. New York is full of it and so is Los Angeles I have noticed.

It's really quite sad. You leave you're narrow minded surroundings to another more accepting city only to become what you hated in high school. No one realizes that they're doing that because social status is everything in both of these cities and it comes natural to people to "perform." I was one of those kids in high school, the social outcast. Everyone thought I was weird because I hardly ever talked. That's because when I did talk people would laugh because my voice is different. It's not like everyone else's. To this day I still have problems talking but fight through it. It happened EVERY single time I talked in school. When I opened my mouth, someone laughed. So I was trained not to talk. The thing is, I'm still that kid. I don't have the luxury of being of social status. I guess I lucked out again in my adult life. I say hi to people on Facebook or in person and I always get the shaft. I don't get it. I know you don't know me, but it's common courtesy to say hi back. I do it all the time. Maybe I'm the only one who still says hi to strangers out of kindness. People have this attitude in New York that if they don't know you, they won't talk to you. It's so high school.

Are they forgiven? Yes. Only now they are what they've always wanted to be. The jocks and the cheerleaders in high school. I guess I just wasn't meant to fit in anywhere. I'm my own social life. I don't understand what it is about me that turns people off. I'm a nice guy if you get to know me. Maybe that's the problem. People like to be around mean people I guess. Maybe there's still that kid inside me that wants to fit in but once again, isn't. It's amazing how the tables turn. Those who didn't have power, now have it, only I missed the memo and am reliving high school all over again in my adult life. I love the arts and I love the people who are associated with the arts because they're amazing people. Maybe I'm just not "deep" enough for them or something or I just don't "get it". What is there to get? I'm not down about it because I love being me and I have amazing friends. I just wish I could have more of a variety of friends and not feel like I have to impress you for you to talk to me.

Is that what you really wanted? To be loved and desired like your peers in school? If I'm not wearing designer duds does that make me an outcast? At this point, I'm going to do me and New York gives me the opportunity to do that regardless of the glitterati. Social status is a state of mind and most people feed off of it like the last loaf of bread. Name dropping and partying every chance they get. Not me. I don't have to say someone else's name to feel relevant. Just want people to realize that they are better than that. You may not think you're doing it but you are. Subconsciously you are. There's a part of you deep down inside. The little boy or girl in the back of the classroom that is loving that they are finally "popular". Whatever that means nowadays.

Live thirsty my friends...

Settling or Laziness?

Today I had a thought. I was sitting at work for training and the trainer had asked us to introduce ourselves to everyone and I was mortified. However, when I was listening to everyone's story and where they came from, I couldn't help but feel alienated. Was I the only one who had a dream of being bigger than this? Everyone had practical dreams of what they wanted to do and how far they wanted to go with the company and I was perplexed. Not because I think everyone should have the same dream I have, but because it just didn't seem like it was something they really wanted. I wondered...are we settling for life as it is or are we just too lazy to actually fight for what we want?

What We're Supposed To Do?

Dear World And Everyone In It,

Are there certain life goals that we should have? That we're supposed to meet? It seems like we're all in a rush to meet a certain goal in a certain amount of time doesn't it? It's always something. We can never be content can we?

Marriage is a HUGE thing isn't it? If you're a certain age and you're not married, then there's something wrong with you no? Me? Marriage is not something I don't know if I want. It seems that people are getting married for the wrong reasons only to be miserable for the rest of their lives. What are the wrong reasons? Loneliness, lust, possession of another, to prove you're straight, arrangement, profitable union, and the list goes on I'm sure. Then after a few years and you get older, the cheating begins because? You married for the wrong reason. I hear people as young as 18 wanting to get married and have a family. Are we being selfish? Are our desires, that would have to include other people, just to satisfy our own needs and wants? Women have this idea about the perfect wedding. Sometimes I think they want the wedding more than the man. Am I wrong?

We all want to achieve something by a certain time in our lives. We all feel entitled to have what we're supposed to have when life doesn't guarantee us anything. When we don't get what we expect, the world is over. Life shouldn't be about what you expect, it should be about living it the best way you can. Not to say that you can't have goals. You can have goals. Just don't put a deadline on it. Are we programmed from birth? Go to school, go to college, get a job, get married, and retire. How limiting is that? What's worse is there are people who will literally ask you, what's wrong with you if you don't have any of those things as if doing those things makes you acceptable or good on paper. As humans in this world we are constantly limiting ourselves with labels and expectations and the like. That's why depression is such a big issue in this world because people who don't have what society says they should have are down on themselves. Saying things like, "I should be married by now" or "I want to have a baby before I'm too old" or even "I have to travel the world before I'm 30". We're driving ourselves crazy every day because we expect so much so soon.

What are we supposed to do with ourselves? Do we have to do anything? Are we just racing against time? I need to know world....

We all need to know...

A Question Of Age

Dear World And Everyone In It,

Over the past couple of years I have become increasingly more aware of aging. Mostly because I'm nearing thirty. But there's something I really feel the need to discuss. I wonder, why are we all convinced that forty or even thirty is over the hill? Does society have us that warped? I can't tell the number or people that I know that are having meltdowns over being in their thirties and forties. They're spending so much time worrying about being an old man or woman that they miss out on the prime of their lives.

I have a friend who told me that he had a mental breakdown on his 30th birthday. That's the case for pretty much anyone who turns thirty it seems like. I think society has us fooled. I think we were made to believe that once we're thirty or forty, all of our best years are behind us and it's time to think about settling. That logic seems absurd when you're thirty compared to someone who is seventy or eighty. I'm not going to lie, I used to subscribe to that fear of aging and feeling old because I'm almost thirty. Most of that has to do with that fact that people joke around with me and tell me that I'm old. It's an entirely different thing for the gay community. Turning 3o means, you might as well be dead. I've learned that from a lot of my gay friends. I have a writer friend who constantly talks about his age and how he's getting old. He's 36, a baby compared to a seventy or even a fifty year old. In his status updates on Facebook, he refers to it as a looming death sentence. Not literal death, mind you, but death of a social life, death of attraction, death of companionship. One of the statements he made was, "this is the beginning of the end. knitting and recipe collecting is on the horizon." I thought that maybe that was a tad too dramatic for someone whose 36 years old but it's not his fault because, like us all, he has been conditioned. Conditioned to believe that life starts to slow down at 30 or that you're considered old. Old is 70, 80, and 90 years old. The time we spend complaining the years go by even faster.

Is it right for us to believe such a thing? Are our twenties the only years that matter? The only years that count? Is everything after that just filler? It's so incredibly limiting to me and it should be to the human race, but that is not the case. It's almost like a disease, it's everywhere and it causes people to be depressed. Depressed because they feel like they should've done more with their lives and now they can't do anything because they're almost 50 and they're too old. It's never too late. My mom, god bless her, she's 48 years old and she really feels that she wants to start singing again, which is something she did when she was in her twenties. She gave it up to raise two kids. Now that we're grown, she wants to return to her first love, singing. She expressed to me that she thinks that she's too old to return to it and who would pay attention to a 48 year old. I told her that Sade, the singer is 48 and she just came out with a new single. It is possible. Anything is possible. I can't tell you how many older people come to me with this very concern. It's like all confidence is lost after you turn thirty. We constantly think of our competition which is also a problem.

I also wonder does this issue limit us a a human race? Do we just give up and go through the motions of life at a certain point? Why is age such an issue?

Dear World,

Dear World,

Dear world and everyone in it, I have noticed that over the years you have tried to pass me by. I have noticed that you think I'm very strange and the way I think you might consider it to be wrong.

Dear world and everyone in it, from the moment I was born, I remember feeling different. I remember thinking I had a special kind of vision that allowed me to see things that you couldn't see. I don't think I ever felt the same as you felt and I'm not exactly angry about it. It just seems that's the way things are.

I have to admit that I have spent the majority of my life feeling confused, feeling alien and disconnected. Never quite getting things the way it seems everyone else gets them or understanding things exactly.

Dear World,

Dear world and everyone in it, it's hard to always laugh when you don't know what people find so funny.